gonna try to make the grade.

Wow. It's been a while. It seems like things are falling out of my head. And this was one of the first, for whatever reason.

Between AP's, being sick all the time, and work, I've been so busy that I've stopped sleeping. I feel like that's probably not doing much for me.

I always talk about how unimportant the things I'm doing are, like these classes and whatnot. I've been sitting here studying physics b for an hour as it is, for an example. But it seems that as soon as I was forced to let them go a bit (I've been sick so there's not much I could do), it all falls apart when things should have been going right. I find out that yes, I can afford the schools I want to go to. Now it's my grades that will be the real challenge. I can't pull myself out of certain grades. They aren't terrible, but they aren't as good as last semester, and I certainly won't be able to change up the class rank in a good way. But really, does that matter? I'm kind of struggling with that right now. It's difficult to say. Because while I'm not wasting my time on silly things like thermophysics, I'm not getting anything better done. I'm working for $7.5o an hour, not really doing anything important. It's a great experience, and I like having money in my bank account, but really.

The point is that I need this summer more than I've ever needed a time to myself in the past. I need to recenter. I've fallen off and I need to get back on. Family, friends, fun, and above all, working to better understand who I am. This stress has killed who I used to be, but I can bring her back.

Because life isn't about the amount of money you make in one week, or beating a national average.