o, my brothers.

At some point or another, you've really got to let it all go. You realize that it doesn't matter and that essentially you're just wasting your time. Really, what does it all come down to? The time you have here is never guaranteed, although we rarely like to put that idea into some sort of effective mannerism. We don't like changing and we hate our lives so we continue to hate our lives. It gives us something to hate. Something to blame. Something to curse when we fall apart at the feet of the momentous things at which we have failed. But it is in our hands to do these things, to change our lives, to make things what we want for them to be. If we don't do that, we have nothing to blame but ourselves. This is truth. I only say what appears to not be a lie. This is truth. We want so badly to not be responsible for our unhappiness but in effect we become to reason for our unhappiness. And that falls squarely upon us. And so, we take comfort in our unhappiness knowing that we are nothing better. Is this not the truth? Oh, I think it is not. And that is as unfortunate as the rest of the lot we are given. We are our own beginning and ending. Everything in between. It's up to us; we can rise at any moment: the tragedy is that we don't.

this is the story of a girl.

There's something to be said for that sensation you get when you wake up to a feeling you didn't realize you were even feeling. When you realize that, yes, indeed, there are arms holding the blanket down over you to keep out the draft and keep the dog from licking you because you don't like dogs licking you. It's bizarre, figuring out how numb you were before, and the amazing quality of the new found feeling. It's clear and pure, not yet tainted by our foul perception. Isn't it beautiful darling?

she never dies

It's been a crazy few weeks in the life, but there it is.

New Year's Resolutions. Which are pointless because I make resolutions about every three months, or as long as it takes me to get through one set to move on to the next.

I need to calm the hell down. Because really, it's quite obnoxious how much I worry about things that do not matter and that I honestly do not care about.

Be more appreciative of the people who give me everything. Because saying "Thank you" when someone compliments your hair is not the same as saying "Thank you" to the boy who flies out 800 miles with his own money last-minute to help you cope with your mother's illness and help with babysitting your annoying siblings are not the same thing. They aren't even close.

Learn how to make decisions. It's kind of a big deal throughout life, don't you think?

Write more. Hello.

Accept myself as being truly beautiful.

There it is. I miss you all very much. With that being said, life is so gorgeous that recently I've had to just look away to keep myself from tearing up. Sometimes I just let it happen. That's when it becomes beautiful.