turn me off.

I will start by saying that I am so proud of you that I can't even believe it. The person you were three years ago when we started this thing together is still there. I can see him in your eyes when they laugh and I can feel him in your arms around me and hear him in your voice when you call me to tell me everything's going to be okay. And yet you're not the same you you used to be by a longshot. You've grown miles in Homer's footsteps and I could never ask for more than the warmth you radiate from a distance unimaginably cold. I miss you with every fibre of my being and yet I feel you flowing through my veins, powering my every movement. There will never be enough words, enough late night talking purges with me in the closet whispering about your falsified fears, enough eyelash wishes to show you what you mean to me, and how much I need you around just to keep me running.

"come down now they'll say / but everything looks perfect from far away / come down now but we'll stay"

With that being said, hello "home." The more I do this going back and forth business, the more I realize that this is not my home. Nor is St. Louis. Or Florida or Massachusetts or California or Nantucket. It's this feeling I know how to find but can rarely do. But I'm working on it. I'm working towards it more often and with more ease. I can't explain it, but I feel like I am charged and ready to hit the world now. Mostly because I have the ammunition I need to get through. I feel like I need to go beat something up. Not because I'm upset, but because I could, and I have something to prove but not really. Mostly not. Why? Because who the heck do I need to impress? No one. I don't care what they think anymore, whoever THEY are. THEY can go smoke a popsicle stick for all I care. Seriously. Go do it.

"i wanna be the place you call home"

Anyhow. I love everybody and they hardly love me the same way but that's just fine. When has that stopped me before? HEY. It hasn't. Whaddaya know.