I spent a week in a beautiful foreign country. I should have enjoyed it. But I couldn't. And for once I'm not going to accept the blame for it.

You asked me to have sex with you. I said no. And everything I said was the truth. I was afraid of what would happen. I was afraid to make that decision on that kind of notice. I was afraid. But what I didn't tell you is that I knew you weren't sticking around, so I was afraid of the inevitable. Which happened last night, the night I got home from the trip. It happened and I saw it coming all week. I also saw you blaming everything on me. I saw you turning everything I said into an anxiety filled accusation. Yes I have problems with stress. What you didn't know was that the time leading up to me finally calling you, I was hurting so bad physically from the anxiety that I almost went to the emergency room. I almost decided to just go and let it all happen.

We weren't together. I was some sort of fix for your horniness. The way we got back together was completely botched, and everything that happened the two times I saw you after that was as well. You never even tried to make this work. Because if you had cared at all, you would have known. You would have known better. You would have been better for me and for you. This could have worked, but somewhere along the line you turned into this arrogant son of a bitch whose shit don't stink. And I'm over that. I don't need that in my life.

You screwed me over, blamed it on me, and ran. You ran like hell to get out because you knew it was all bullshit. You told me something I did, something general and I've forgotten it because I'm working on forgetting you, and I can't remember what it was but I said to name one time I had done that. Name it. Anything. And you had NOTHING. The most glorious ten seconds of my life, that silence on the other end of the line that told me you were full of it and you knew it.

So if you have some sort of "truths" to share with me, you can keep them. I don't want anything to do with what you think is the truth. It's a skewed reality. And I'm done with that. I know enough about you and how you work. If you can't get over the break we took then screw you, I need someone who can grow and adapt and learn how to love someone unconditionally. You have nothing for me anymore.