closer to love.

I don't really blog enough because I would rather use tumblr. Mostly because I like how on tumblr I can use any medium to express how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.

Well I swear I tried again / you're never visible on the weekdays / when I need you to do / what you can't afford

I'm really confused by the fact that I keep accidentally texting my ex. Like. It's absolutely ridiculous. I seriously text people the wrong stuff all the time, but I don't talk to him. So that is just beyond strange at this point. And of course it's never the stuff that I say to my crazy friends. Never the messages about dancepartying or movie nights or my new shoes or the shows I'm going to. Always the messages about my stupid problems, or how I'm hurt by something. Something that invites conversation, not just to be tossed away. I don't understand. Maybe it's God trying to tell me something. But if He is, it's falling on confused ears. My head and heart are never in the same place unless it's an inherently bad decision I'm going to be making. And this looks like the same set up. But I don't know what to do at this point. So we'll see how things play out.

Maybe not everything is supposed to last forever / certain things are like sky writing / like a beautiful thing that only lasts for a couple of moments

Everything that I thought would happen would. Everything. Everything I wouldn't even admit to myself because I was so afraid of how my heart would react. But it's better. I'm okay. I'm learning so much so fast that I'm okay with how things are. I'm just. I am okay. And I'm really proud to be able to say that honestly. The stability I've attained from my own being in the past few months is remarkable, considering my prior state. With that being said, if you think you can walk all over my feelings and I'll be alright with that, screw off. I'm not okay with that, not anymore at least. So I'm walking away from this situation, because there's no reason to hold on any longer. There are better things in the world than hurt, disappointment, and betrayal. So why would I ask you to give them to me?

I've been here for a while / hanging out with the rebels in the roses / i am falling to the ground / trying to find how to tell you i'm sorry