public enemy.

I just need to think out loud. Because right now I'm having a really hard time getting around the grey matter in my head. There's actually something up there apparently. How do I know? Cause it hurts. Massive.

"what i want is what i need / she's a public enemy"

So this guy gets a hold of me. And we've had an itneresting history I suppose you could say. Not interesting enough to share all of the details, however. And really, they're fairly well known anyhow. But we started talking last week and decided we should hang out some time this week, get coffee or something like that. (We got coffee before my loooong rehearsal that one day, at 7am. It's just kinda what we do.) Well whatever, I wasn't exactly expecting to hear much from him until maybe Wednesday or something. Just to get some details together. Except that obviously I was wrong. Today around 4 or so I got a sound file from him on my phone. It was some song, and although I couldn't pick out many of the lyrics (the sound quality when you record, send & play back via cell phones leaves much to be desired), I could clearly discern the line "you're the only reason i'm trying". So I asked him what was going on, and received the reply, "I think I still really like you and if that means changing and staying clean then so be it". So he wants to get clean for me in a roundabout way. What the hey ho am I supposed to do now? It isn't like things are just supposed to go back to the way they were. Cause I mean, before the whole INCIDENT (dun dun dunnnnnn... what a load of crap that was) things were good. I was happy. (I know, right?)

"i'll make it seem like i'm stronger but i'm quite the actor / but now i'm so caught up and i can't escape this pattern / but when i started losing hope, there you were, there you bloomed"

And it isn't like my life hasn't moved on. Because trust me, it has. I've got other things going on. One thing you learn through life in the fast lane: the social scene changes every second. Il y a quelques instants? Yeah. Something just changed. I promise. Life will ALWAYS move on without you. That's another thing I've picked up on lately. This whole living two separate lives (one in Denver, one in STL) has really screwed things up. When I'm here, my friends back home change. They form new relationships, understand themselves differently, and change drastically. When I'm back there, I have much catching up to do. Whilst there, however, the people in Denver are also moving on at lifespeed, with or without me. There's so much to think about, always.

"let's get down in barcelona / i like romancing but i don't wanna / let's get down in barcelona / tonight we're dancing like tomorrow / falling down, falling down, touch the ground, touch the ground / going mad, going mad, not too bad, not too bad"

I'm a little lost, I've got these fishies in my head, but I'm really gonna be okay. I get through it every time. Mini episodes contribute to the greater picture. And I'm no Michelangelo. This is the black cloud of Kandinsky's Woman. You must work through the cloud to reach the flower, waiting patiently upon the side table.