faberge falls for shuggie.

So here's the deal ladies (Grace) & gentlemen (Keegan). (My audience consists of two people who already know what's going on BEFORE I blog about it.) I flew back from St. Louis last night. It was the biggest pain the butt ever due to flight delays and a lack of cash for bagels even though I ended up getting one anyhow and whatnot, but here I am, alive and mostly in one piece. The trip itself was actually pretty great. I was worried about fighting with Lindsay, but that never really came up. We spent probably 90% of our time together (I opted out to see some family from about 9 til 1 AM one night, and chatted with some old friends while we were at Six Flags together) and only had like two awkward tiffs, if that. I was able to see a few old friends and some family members that haven't attended family get togethers in the last two years, making our correspondence completely impossible.

"i can say i hope it will be worth what i give up if i could stand of mean for the things that i believe"

Lindsay also semi-set me up with a guy. A boy. Oh dear. As you probably know, I'm fairly OVER people, especially those of the male persuasion. So when her not-quite-boyfriend Dylan brought his best friend Gannon over to the house, I wasn't exactly OPEN to the idea of being even remotely nice to either of the boys. He impressed me as witty and slightly goofy. Whatever. Who cares. Well the boys just happened to be there when we went to Six Flags the next day, and due to our shared dislike for Mr. Freeze, Gannon and I got to talking about (of all things, gasp) music. We had really similar tastes and it was kinda nice to talk to someone who had intelligent views on bands like Green Day and White Stripes. Our conversation continued in line for the next ride, and as we were leaving he asked about my departure and whatnot. I was very excited because he showed an interest in me similar to the one I had in him. The four of us hung out the next day, watching A Beautiful Mind at Lindsay's, then having dinner at Pasta House, both activities courtesy of yours truly. And the rest is history, really. Details would bore you all, and we all know I don't want to drag on about something no one cares about...

"have you seen me cry tears like diamonds / down and down they fly, faster and faster like the speed of our love / batting a thousand, but a homerun crack at love / there is where i tell you that, i know that love's what i need to work at, oh"

So here I am, sitting in bed, on round two of coffee, this time a short, skinny vanilla latte, listening to the free playlist I snagged from NYLON, talking to a few different people, and really just pondering all of the things I've been through lately. I find it amazing how much I have changed and essentially how much I have not. The tough times make you feel like you have to change, I've realized. They make you think that what you're doing is wrong, and obviously your person is just a big mess. But when you sit down and think about it, you can make tiny character adjustments that may be an improvement, but essentially you will never change. Never. That's just the way it is. Why? Probably because everytime I've gotten screwed over, although I will admit the fault was partially mine, it was mostly the fault of someone else being a terrible excuse for a person. The only changes I've made are to be a nicer and more well-rounded person, and also to become more grounded in myself. Basically, I haven't changed who I am, but become more aware of who I am. And I'm really liking the way that that sounds right about now.

"don't meddle with the heart / or meddle with the mind / or meddle with the things that are inside / don't know what you'll find / don't know what she hides"

Love you all (two).