summer skin.

So I started my summer blog today. [wonderlandinsunshine]. Y'know. In case you were wondering or something.

"should've known, should've known, should've known again / oh here it goes again"

Nabbed tickets to go back home today. You have no idea what kind of a relief that is. There was so much uncertainty as to whether or not I was even going to get to go, but now everything is fine because my parents paid like two-hundred bucks to fly me out there. I am so going. The turtles are going to be tight(: Plus the Delmar Loop and whatever else we feel like. GOSH.

"you wasted life why wouldn't you waste the afterlife?"

I'm starting to get really excited for the future again. Why? Because you have to have a stable present to be able to focus on the future. You can't plan ahead five years when you don't know if you're going to hold it together for the next five minutes. That's just ridiculous. Things are leveling out. And you know really, things weren't even bad for that long. Like. A day? I react too quickly. That's my problem. The moment something goes slightly off-kilter, I flip, and that just isn't okay. But there are times when this reaction rate truly saves myself (and those I care for deepest) from a world or heartache. It's so double-sided. So difficult.

"what's the point in compromise? / get your dignity and leave"

I haven't written anything in so long. I haven't had inspiration. I've just felt like this fat, amorphous blob of nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's terrible. So tomorrow I'm going to pick up one of my leads and make something beautiful. Stunning. Something to mirror the person I want to be. Something to aspire to be. A model. No. A reflection. Because I'm getting there. I'm becoming the person I want to be. The culture I have created around myself is intoxicating and lovely. I want nothing else, but to tweak and perfect it. My pen reflects who I am, and nothing less. I am my masterpiece. Mes mots. My lesser density.

"love it all love it all love it all"

But the writing must wait. Tonight I must sleep to wake up in time to go to the gym tomorrow morning. =]